i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
