I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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