I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
