I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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