I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
