I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
