The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
