just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
