mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
