spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
