I faked an abortion last night.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
