You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
