I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
