dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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