I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
