I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
