Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
