The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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