I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
