Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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