I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
