On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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