Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
