I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
