I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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