I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
