You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
