soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
