I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize