I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
