Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I woke up under a house in Key West
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
