Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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