I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The struggles of a small town man whore
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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