Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
