idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
