I seem to have left my pride at pride
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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