there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
