Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
