this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
