He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
