Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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