I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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