I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
