he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
