Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just want to make out with him forever
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
