Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
