it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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