my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
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