I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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