After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
