Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
