I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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