It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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