i was rollin on her like bob the builder
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize