it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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