He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
