I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize