How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
