I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
