no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
