This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
